Put Me Back Together
by Alanna n' Jon 4ever
Summary: After the death of her parents, Lily’s once-ordered world crumbles and she starts getting into trouble. Her friends must come to her rescue, and in the end, only one can put her back together.
1. Chapter 1

Put Me Back Together

SUMMARY: After the death of her parents, Lily's once-ordered world crumbles and she starts getting into trouble. Her friends must come to her rescue, and in the end, only one can put her back together.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters you see here, except Damian (and you don't meet him yet).

Almost all the chapters will be from Lily's perspective, but to get the story set up, I needed the first chapter to be from Alice's POV. So, if you don't like Alice, don't worry, she won't be telling the rest of the story.

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Prologue: Concerned

ALICE'S P.O.V.

On the first day of Hogwarts so many years ago, I met a bouncy, likeable redhead named Lily Evans. We were friends instantly; complete opposites, but best friends nonetheless. I was often pessimistic; I had come from a somewhat dysfunctional family, where my father often didn't come home for days or even weeks, and my mother simply refused to talk about it. But Lily would always be so boisterously happy that I had no choice but to liven my spirits to match hers. I don't think anyone has taught me as much as Lily Evans taught me that first day of school.

Needless to say, I feel I owe her. She helped me through a rough time in my life. She got me to see the wonderful opportunities that I still had by coming to Hogwarts. And I believed her.

Now, just before fourth year, is a rough time in Lily's life. So now it's my turn.

Lily's house was ambushed by Death Eaters over the summer, and her parents were brutally murdered in the attack. Her sister was staying at her boyfriend's house at the time, and Lily was out shopping for school supplies.

She went to stay with her sister for the rest of the summer, per the orders of her parents' will. She was to stay with her sister every summer until she was of age. Lily hated her sister, but she went nonetheless. I suppose she just wanted to be with family.

I tried not to be offended that she'd rather stay with her sister than me, her sister in all but blood. After all, Lily and Petunia were going through the same thing. It was just that Lily had often talked to me about how much her sister hated her, the arguments they used to get into, and the awful things Petunia said about Lily's friends, school, and 'abilities'. Perhaps I felt a little jealous that after all this time of being inseparable she still would pick the girl she hated for so long. But I swallowed my jealously and let her do what she needed to.

At King's Cross station on the first day of school, I looked for her everywhere, but I didn't see her fiery red hair sticking out amongst the crowds anywhere. I sighed, and got onto the train. It probably would have been easier if I had other friends too, but Lily and I had always been best friends, and nobody else had ever really liked us. There were the Marauders, I suppose, but they weren't exactly friends. Plus, the fact that they were all boys made them strictly un-friend material. We never talked with them about anything serious, and I think Lily only hung out with them because I did. After all, Peter was my cousin, and he was the odd one out among the group. So I did what I could to keep him talking around them, hoping they would learn to like him. He really was a sweet, if not somewhat strange, kid.

So I didn't know what to expect when I saw her. Would she look the same? Would she act the same?

_Of course not_, I chided myself. I paused. _But how different will she be, exactly?_

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**A/N**: This is just a prologue. I have the majority of the first chapter written, but I thought I'd put this up while you were waiting so you'd have a feel for the first chapter.

I know there's not much here to base a review on, but... stick around for the first chapter and then write a review!!

And, like any writer, I'm experiencing a bit of writer's block with some of my other stories. I'm in the middle of the whole college application process right now, so that's definitely taking a toll on my creative juices :) Anyway, I'll hopefully be able to work on those sometime in the near future. But for now, this stroke of genius hit me and I had to get this story down on paper. So... enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything here. So please don't sue me :) ... seriously.

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Chapter 2: Recreating

LILY'S P.O.V.

I never wanted to make Alice upset. But what exactly was I supposed to do?

I, Lily Evans, do not wallow.

So I wasn't letting myself wallow in self-pity. I was taking the high road, rising above the pain, recreating myself.

By definition, "recreating" means creating something new, different. So it was inevitable that I would not turn out the same as before. Because the old Lily Evans would have been happy and boisterous, witty and gifted. That girl no longer exists.

Instead, there's me. The cold, parentless bitch who has no sense of humor and takes nothing for granted. She uses people, makes no apologies, and absolutely will not let herself be hurt again. There's a wall around me, and every breath I take layers the wall with protection, fortifying me against pain.

I will not be hurt again.

I stepped onto the platform, feeling all eyes on me as I strode toward the train. My shirt dipped too low, my skirt came up too high, and those black boots hugged my calves much too tightly. I had changed my hair - not the color, because I've found that boys like redheads – but the style. I wore it ringlets almost every day. It took me almost an hour every morning to get my hair like that, but I didn't want to look the same anymore.

I didn't want to be the same anymore.

I knew my eyes lacked that sparkle they used to have, so to hide that I put on eye shadow and eyeliner. I didn't look bad; I certainly didn't look like the perfect little modest schoolgirl anymore. But if I pretended to be someone else, if I pretended that my life wasn't crumbling to pieces around me, I learned that I could actually be someone else, if only for a few hours.

Nights were still terrible. Once I took off the foreign clothing, wiped away the make-up, put the curls up in a ponytail, that's when I saw myself. My real self. Lily Evans, who'd lost both her parents in one day.

And I'd seen it happen.

I knew Dumbledore had been telling people I was out when the house was attacked. To protect me, to give me the tiniest bit of privacy from all the consoling hands, I knew he would swear to the death that my eyes were unscarred by the burning memories of the men in long dark cloaks, who came toward them with wands outstretched, and made them suffer before killing them.

This way, people would soon forget what had happened to me. I would emerge from this depression, and everything would be normal.

But I would not forget. I couldn't forget, no matter how much I wanted to. During the day, I could pretend that I really had been out of the house. I could pretend that I really was okay, could pretend that I knew my parents would want me to move on, so damn it I was going to move on. But at night, the darkness of the room so clearly mimicked the darkness of the closet my mother had pushed me into when she heard them coming. At night, I couldn't play my role for the audience – because there was no audience.

So I let me be… me. I would wake up screaming, trembling, and go to bed sobbing. That was the one time I let myself show weakness. But even now, as my chest ached and my throat burned with tears, I forced myself to blink my eyes flirtatiously at the boy who had cat-called, forced myself back into the role I had assigned myself to play.

And then I saw them. Alice, standing with Sirius and Remus, watching James bid his parents goodbye. I stood for a moment, torn between my old friends, my old life, and my desire to be rid of anything past.

But I held my head high and walked toward them, smiling at Jason Riggs when he whistled.

I saw Alice's face. Her eyes widened in horror, her mouth opened slowly in astonishment. But then she contained herself. She nodded mutely and poked Remus, who stared at me sadly when he finally spotted me.

Sirius was next to notice. His mouth opened too, but then he grinned mischievously. "Who's she?" I heard him ask.

I had reached them now. Alice's voice was sad as she greeted me. "Lily."

I smiled. I know it looked strange – off somehow – but it was the best I could do. They would notice – they noticed everything. But I prayed they wouldn't mention it. If only they would play along with my little charade, everything would be perfect. The charade would be perfect, no matter how long it took to plug up the holes constantly appearing in the walls. I would not let that wall crumble down; I had to resist any action that would resemble something I would have done… before.

I had to be the anti-me. I had to be the complete opposite of everything I'd ever built for myself.

I had to be Petunia.

Snotty, condescending, domineering, bitch. That worked for me. But I had to have a little something… more. Hence the skirt, or lack thereof, the boots, the top. I would make people love me, make people envy me, make people wish for all the world that they were me. And then I'd break their hearts. Because, if everyone at school experienced one thousandth the sadness I had, everything would be better. That was the ultimate solution. Tear everyone down, and you stand that much taller.

Bring everyone down with you, and you end up looking like the survivor.

My plan was flawless.

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**A/N:**Thanks to those of you who took the time to read chapter 1! I know this release is somewhat sudden and uncalled for (since I still have like 3 unfinished fics going at once), but thanks for bearing with me through my half-crazed frenzies of inspiration.

I just want to let everyone know that I've absolutely committed to seeing this through. My schedule for updates is a bit tentative -- more of a "feel as we go" kind of story, especially since I'm right in the middle of college applications (eeeekkk). So until January there's no OFFICIAL update schedule. After January, I'd predict once a week (on this and other stories-- yay!). THANKS FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT-- I know it's difficult to stick with a writer who updates on a random schedule with breaks between updates.

By the way -- I know many of you would prefer to read this whole story all the way through once I've finished it. That's totally fine with me, I do that too. Note to these people: I have no idea how far I'll take this story (i.e. how many chapters there'll be), so keep checking back for that little gray line at the bottom of the summary that says "completed"!!

BE SURE TO REVIEW!! )

And thanks to my editor, charmedlily, for being so awesome and reading so quickly!!


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